Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
