Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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