He uses pillows to masturbate.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
