this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
