Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
