Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
