I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
