I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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