haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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