Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
