Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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