The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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