I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
