You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
