You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
