just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
