Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
