Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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