Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
