I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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