guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
