just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
