So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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