Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it's like iHOP with fire
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize