Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
