i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
