just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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