my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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