DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
