my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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