When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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