she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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