Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
