Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize