I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
too bad you live with your parents still
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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