It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We need a shit load of segways right now
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
