I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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