Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
