Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
