just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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