Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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