i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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