I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
