did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
