I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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