No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
