i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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