took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
