Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ugly people sure do ruin things
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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