He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
