1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
