State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
