I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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