i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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