when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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