I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im holly from the hills drunk
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
