I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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