This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
