Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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