if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
