Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
