I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
