Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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