What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
