the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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