Having a random hookup so left but love u
My friends, they love my intelligence
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
