OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
