epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Randomize
