And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
