Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
