I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
