I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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