i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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