She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
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