Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Floor bacon is actually really good
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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