when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
And then he peed in my hair
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