thus making me awesome and them whores
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
