you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
