is your mom at the bar?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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