Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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