sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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