i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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