i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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