if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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