my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
