WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
that's an acceptable place to lick
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
