it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The adults are the big ones right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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