so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
