I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
